i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
