i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
