Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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