I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
