So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
