Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
