yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
