I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
