dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
