why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Buhtt sex?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
