his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
