She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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