Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
