You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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