meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize