I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
