Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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