You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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