I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
