Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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