dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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