I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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