i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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