He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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