i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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