So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
