making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Alive.
So much puke
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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