That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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