I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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