Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
