would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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