remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
