Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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