You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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