nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
