I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
