he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
