I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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