i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
