Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
