Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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