people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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