Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Every concussion has its silver lining
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
