A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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