All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
