Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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