also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
