Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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