i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
