The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
