R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
