I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
