I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
