All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to have your abortion
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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