how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
