Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
