I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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