My room smells like vodka and shame
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
