Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
