You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
