If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
