i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
