we're blogging at a bar
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
