you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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