I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
