What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
