and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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