I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
