Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
