Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
