she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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