I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
