My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
