Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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