Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
