it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
